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Category Archives: NFL

Here at Buckwild, we don’t really post much. We feel that there are so many sports bloggers already, that we really couldn’t possibly add much. The most inside information I have is I once got a haircut from a woman who claimed to bang a famous hockey player (hint: she was probably lying, due to the fact that her third chin could not even keep a straight face for the story). Still, we thought, “what the heck, let’s do a preview for the BCS title game”. Let me first say straight up that Oklahoma State should probably be in the game, especially when you factor in they have more wins over top 25 teams than Alabama, and their SRS (Simple Rating System) score is better than Alabama’s, just like their efficiency rating according to Football Outsiders. Maybe Alabama is one of the two best teams, but are they really that much better that they deserved a rematch against a team that already beat them at home over a team that has yet to play them and won what many believe is the best conference in the country? No. There is a far out universe someplace where Alabama and Oklahoma State play each other in a semifinal game and babies aren’t allowed on airplanes and in restaurants. I want to live there. Anyways here we go. By the way, if this was Bleacher Report this would be a slideshow piece, but that sounds like a lot of work and I hate slide shows. Still, imagine the pictures I would have used!

1. According to Jay Kornegay, a Vegas bookmaker, the only reason that LSU is the -1.5 favorite it is right now is because LSU has been a high profile team this year. LSU has certain marking that gamblers do not like to bet on, such as a coach that will probably not win a chess match against Saban in Les Miles (although you never know, he kind of did in the first game), and the revenge factor for Alabama. Toss in Trent Richardson, who still ran pretty well against LSU in that November 5th game, and this game could really be anyone’s. Alabama did play well in the first game. Still, they lost so you can’t feel to good about that as a sign if your an Alabama fan. If you’re an Alabama fan, though, you are probably worrying about other things, such as which cousin your going after at the barn party this weekend, than the first game. Also, if you’re an Alabama fan, you probably didn’t even go to Alabama so shut up

2. Honey Badger has become the most annoying nickname ever, and I think it is slightly racist.
Prove me wrong

3.I hear a lot of experts that say this one will be much more offensive than the last game. Why? The defenses are still here for both teams, and Jordan Jefferson’s SEC championship performance, which netted 30 yards on 13 attempts does not scream juggernaut. Also, I do not think that the Alabama team will all of the sudden be able to finish in the red zone. The LSU defense is second in the nation in points per drive, and Alabama has kicked 10 more field goals under the opponent’s 10 yard line than any other team in the nation. The truth is that Alabama moved the ball a little bit on LSU in the first game, at least before the red zone. For the most part, they had field position. Poor killer instinct and missed field goals really killed them. I am not so sure they will score a ton of points all of the sudden, when with great field position all game they could muster up only a couple of field goals. Also, I think this was mentioned, but these are really good defenses.

4.Subplots probably not thought of: Jarrett Lee, backup QB most of the time, is seen by many LSU fans as the son they never had. That is not to say they believe he is supremely talented, because lets face it most people have un-talented sons. They like him because they feel that Lee loves LSU (could have transferred but didn’t) and Les Miles is doing an unimaginable horror by making him sit on the bench and not pick up minutes as a Senior. I hope he plays and does badly, that would be kind of fun, right? Kind of a stretch

5.Players to watch: I don’t believe in singling out one player to watch. Watch all eleven, this is a team game! I don’t know any fan that just watches one player. Yes this is a cop-out.

6.Crowd: The game is in the Superdome in New Orleans, so like many years when you saw LSU play in the Superdome, they will have the majority of fans. It won’t be as lopsided as you think, though. Alabama fans like there football almost as much as they will hate this blog once they read my cliched jokes made at their expense above. I predict 60-40 LSU, with many more LSU fans around the stadium and New Orleans in general.

7.TV: It is on ESPN, not a local channel so most Alabama fans won’t be able to watch. They will miss out on Brent Musburger saying “You are looking live”, and Kirk Herbstreit’s hair.

8.Over/Under on Musburger saying the name “Honey Badger”- 25

9.Over/Under on television’s broken in Alabama once the Tide fans realize their 12 inch black and white tv will not play the game-40 (I know what you’re thinking: that is not that high. I’m counting on the Alabama fans beating up their wives first, and tiring out.

10.Score Prediction: Alabama 21, LSU 17
You happy Alabama fans? I had to pick Alabama after make lame Alabama jokes this whole time. Plus I wanted to keep the demographic of Tide fans who have computers and working internet and who can read. AKA the smallest demographic in the nation.


When watching the Chicago Bears star quarterback Caleb Hanie, one wonders how I could have just called Caleb Hanie a star. The truth is I have no reason to other than I thought it would be a provocative first sentence. The truth is Caleb Hanie is trash. I am not against trash as much as others are, although I definitely see the negative aspects of trash. It smells, it’s potentially dangerous, and it makes others have a bad impression of you when you are rummaging through it looking for food. There are some obvious negatives. Obvious negatives is a great way to describe Caleb Hanie. Lovie Smith repeatedly calls Caleb Hanie the Chicago Bears best offensive option. What perhaps is the most surprising part about Lovie’s statement is he is not totally wrong. This makes two statements now for Lovie where he has not been totally wrong. Any other quarterback the Bears may pick up may actually be a worse option. I have decided to comapre the Bears option with what I feel is the best comparison I could think of. That is types of trash. I have used Ramsey County’s defintions of different types of trash because I love Ramsey County!! Also it was the first link that popped up on google when I typed in “types of trash”.


Caleb Hanie: Although Jay Cutler’s statistics may never pop out at you on a stat sheet, it is important to realize that when your best receiver is Earl Bennett, and when two of your best offensive line members are injured (Gabe Carimi and Chris Williams) on an offensive line that being two of the best members of is worthy of absolutely nothing, your numbers will suffer. Still the dropoff from Cutler to Hanie has been humongous. When watching Caleb Hanie, some common events usually seen vary from Hanie messing up a screen pass, to Hanie inaccurately throwing any pass. When he is on target, it is a fair bet that Johnny Knox. Bennett has not really been involved in the offense. A good guess why is Knox worked with Hanie on the scout team, and Bennett practiced with the offense that was meant to see the field. Since Hanie has made the team worse in every way, I have decided to make the claim that Hanie is “Infectious Waste”, which according to the Ramsey County webpage is usually syringes and needles. If only Hanie had used syringes, the Bears might not be in this mess. On a side note, Ramsey County’s webpage is extremely efficent and has a cool web design. Who knew that Ramsey County would have such a nice page? I almost want to go to Ramsey County now, and perhaps would if it was not in Minnesota.



Josh McCown: According to Wikipedia Dennis Green believed McCown would, “be a great one”. I am not sure why but I find that hilarious. I would say that McCown would be medication waste according to Ramsey County, because he was brought in to help the Bears. I really have no other reason. In fact, the site says that medication waste should not be flushed down the toilet, so this comparison is actually untrue.


Donovan McNabb: He’s food waste and this is obvious. According to sources, McNabb is actually 98% food at the moment. He would not be as bad as an option for the Bears as many think. Are you trying to tell me McNabb couldn’t play on the Bears o-line??? Didn’t think so.


Jeff Garcia: Jeff Garcia still thinks he can play in the NFL, and it is hard not to see Jeff Garcia as the old veteran who wants one more chance to prove himself. You see this character in movies all the time. The Bears should bring him in just to see this play out in real life. I actually have fond memories of Jeff Garcia leading the Eagles to an improbable playoff run. At one point during one of the games, Eagle fans were cheering when Jeff Garcia went down with a big hit. Apparently, Eagle fans wanted to see A.J Feely. I also found this hilarious, and when Garcia started playing well, seeing the Eagle fans cheering for him in a good way made me smile. Although I was on what many doctors would call, “dangerous amounts of medication” at the time, I still have fond memories of Jeff Garcia. That being said, he is demolition waste because he is definitely demolished at this point and I’m running out of trash comparisons.


Brett Favre: No



As you can see, the Bears don’t really have much options. I’m gonna go head and create my own waste real quick. Deuces

This season in the NFL, we’ve seen a shitload of teams mired in mediocrity, and even the good teams seem to be pulling ugly wins out of their asses (see this week’s Ravens/Bills abortion for example.) So, the guys here at Buckwild wanted to provide some beauty to all you loyal readers during this otherwise hideous NFL season. So without further adieu, here’s our Buckwild attempt to make the NFL a little bit more fun to look at.

1.  Pittsburgh Steelers

The Steelers this year have proven to be the bright spots in the NFL, and would probably be undefeated if Ben Roethlisberger could keep his dick in his pants. Which brings us to our first girl, who is sure to bring anyone’s dick out of their pants. Even RuPaul.

Megan Fox, like the Steelers, has her flaws. For instance, she’s probably a bitch. Also, it’s been reported that her thumbs look like toes. Which is gross. Still, she is extremely hot and her thumb/toe would not really stop us from doing anything but polishing her thumb with our tongues, and we here at Buckwild really like to polish girl’s thumbs with our tongues.

Much like the polishing we do of thumbs, we predict Big Ben will be doing some polishing of his own this year when the Steelers win the Lombardi Trophy at the end of this season. And everyone knows that the Steelers playing late into the season means fewer rapes in the greater Pittsburgh metro area for at least a month. So, in the name of consensual sex, go Steelers!!

2. Baltimore Ravens

The Ravens this year have been sort of an enigma. Sure they have the defense, but no one really knows if Joe Flacco can carry the offensive load. Can the  Ravens can legitimately win the Super Bowl, or is it just another Baltimore fan’s pathetic fantasy (like the Baltimore Colts marching band). Speaking of pathetic fantasy, many nerds have the pathetic fantasy of stimulating James Cameron orally while wearing a skin-tight blue body suit. Which is why the Baltimore Ravens could best be embodied by the blue bitch from Avatar.

Look at the longing in those eyes, the sorrow in her cheeks. This is what Baltimore Col..I mean Raven fans will be feeling at the end of this season. So keep on marching you band of faggots. The Ravens are going nowhere.

3. Cincinnati Bengals

The Bengals went into the season with high hopes, mostly because they wanted to. They picked up T.O. during the offseason so they can be two players short of having a nice reality tv block on VH1. The girl from I Love New York is probably blowing the whole locker room to keep morale high, or because that’s her only skill. Still, at least she has a skill, which we cannot say for Carson Palmer. So being the hideous attention whores that the Bengals are, they can only be represented by one woman, Mrs. Lamar Odom.

The sister who probably has serious self-esteem issues (or should) best represents this motley crew of NFL outcasts. They might think they’re good, and even tell themselves that. But in the end the product on the field is ugly as fuck. Hello Khloe Kardashian.

4. Cleveland Browns

This year, I’m taking the Browns to the Superbowl. And yeah, I do mean I’m taking a rancid diarrhea laden shit in my trusty old Kohler. Those 1.5 gallons pack a mean punch. The funny thing is, the product the Browns put out on the field year after year is about as valuable as my anal leakage. It’s also about as valuable to the NFL as this actress is to Hollywood.

Yeah, we’re dicks, but you know you laughed. So suck it up and keep reading. The only thing interesting about Precious is precisely just how precious she isn’t. There isn’t a single role in a movie this woman could fill, and there isn’t a single 72 passenger school bus she couldn’t fill. But we’re off on a tangent here. To bring this back full circle, let me just drop some knowledge: The Browns fucking suck.